I can't bear

To see my cousin live in difficulties
To know she works as a cleaner in school to feed her kids
To know she earns RM500 permonth to raise her two kids
After deducting RM200 permonth, she has only RM300 to manage her family.

To get extra money, she does packing job, putting screw nails into small package, and that give her extra 3cent. Recently she managed to get RM30 for 1000 packages. Thats for her kids to buy toys and foods.

I grew up with her, she lived in village i was in town.
Her parents divorced, her father vanished leaving the mother alone.
She could not finish her school, she decided to work in factory. She worked hard.
After she got married she still work. Basic work in factory just RM500, to get extra work, she had to do overtime (OT). Now she has two kids, age 7 and 4. She needs to be with them so she decided to work at the school where her daughter also there.

The house she live very small.
She knew I'm looking for a house too, she asked me why I don;t want to stay near her house. So many vacant house there.
I speechless.
I surveyed the area before and I didn't like it. That before I know she lives there.
Should I said I'm not comfortable with the house?too small? I didn't like the community? I did not say anything to her. I felt shy.

In comparison to me, where I work I earn for my self, buy things I fancy and those fancy things are countless. I feel shy. Buy unnecessary things, while there are many out there who earn just to get basic necessity, food and shelter.

God, I feel shame to my self.